i think what i've just come to realize
is the difference in mindset between living near-permanently among peers vs living at home with family
home was a place of comfort in which i could say think explore anything any idea and it was separate from school entirely so the creative pursuits of home were less affected by the school mindset
you can probably already see how college is different
at college, i live where i work and the only 'walls of comfort,' like those literal walls of my house, have been reduced to the size of my brain; perhaps it's living with another person in a 12'x12' room, but it feels like all the brain-thoughts i had in high school were freer because they were offered an environment in which they could expand and grow; here, the only place to spill my brain-thoughts is the computer or on paper--it's a direct line from my brain to the page, so it's all business and man does it suck in comparison. it's affecting this blog post and everything i do, and the only way to escape it, the only way i can think of, is to try to accept williamsburg as my 'home' but man is it hard.
i look forward to the day that i'm able to create a home of my own but i'm also very cautious in saying so; how will i get there? and once i'm there, who will i be with? how will i look back on now? will i ever get back to the same sense of home?
heavy shit man, wonder if i'm alone in this sensation