i hope that the technology of the future will unlock the possibility for messless erasers
i'm human too
i over-think just about everything
sometimes i think i'm mildly autistic; i tend to rock back and forth, and when i have a lot of energy and am comfortable with my self i make loud noises
i get cranky if i don't eat or drink something or if it's hot or if i'm with people who i don't want to be around
i have a freckle on the inside of my left-hand middle finger, please don't stare
i don't like almost all the people i see on the antiques roadshow
i notice how you use your and you're and the the[i][y']r[e]s
i can't finish a lot of things
if i do something once and it doesn't work i'm not very likely to try it again
i try to always think in the big picture, which sometimes can be detrimental
i'm often glad that i'm not like certain types of people
my body has an annoyingly high tolerance for caffeine
i can't hold a grudge against anybody who does something to me, but if they do something to someone close to me i usually have no trouble disliking them
i want to know what i could accomplish with just me and my thoughts, sense-blind and alone, for 500 years
i pay attention to intonation and inflection
i like when people are themselves
i would like to share all of my brain-thoughts with one someone
can mosquitos transmit aids?
in response to a story on my newsfeed regarding school, i just thought to myself, 'why are you still doing that? it's summer...' wait
i've been getting annoyed much more easily as of late; i blame school, lack of caffeine, and unrecognized desires.
if facebook allowed people to see how many times i've visited their page i'd probably come off as really creepy
i moved the casio into my room and cleaned my desk
if i was the person going through the peoples' rooms on room raiders and i raided my own room (but in a dream-like turn of events, had no idea that it was my own room) i would definitely choose myself, and the show would end with me in my own room
in all seriousness though, if someone were to judge me by what i keep in my room, i would come across as a huge nerd who never finishes an entire bottle of water
i want to spend this summer getting really good at something.
i haven't figured out what it is yet, though.
i hate watching the news because it reminds me of how fucked up the human race is; but it's not just the news stories that concerns me. what freaks me out even more is how cold and nonchalant, almost expectant, we've become. i just watched a piece about how a paraplegic father who was high on pcp bit out his four-year-old sons eyes, blinding him, and then proceeded to hack at his own legs with an axe. through the lens of the reporter: who, what, when, where, why, how; next. through the lens of the typical news-watcher: oh my goodness, how tragic. through the lens of the little boy: what lens? his lenses were the fodder of his father. how many people stopped to think of how this unassuming preschool-age boy will forever be afraid and alienated? who is going to counsel him, with his newfound trauma after his own father, his so-called unconditional guardian, literally destroyed how he sees the world? 'state custody'? bullshit. how can that boy ever have a normal, trusting relationship again? imagine, the last thing you see is a set of teeth gnawing at your cornea; can you see the blood or do you go blind on contact?
and that's just one news story.
how many fowl, lecherous, or demonic acts need to occur before seclusion from ourselves is necessary?
i prefer my bubble, where i know that my eyes aren't in any patriarchal danger. where i can pretend that i know what i'm doing and that i'm in control of my own life. where i can be upset over trivial affairs. where i have the ability to say, oh my goodness, how tragic.
i taught a caterpillar how to live today
i decided to switch my summer plans up a bit. instead of doing the immersion program in arabic, i'll now be spending those four weeks in vermont speaking spanish because, as i've come to realize, immersion in a language that i have yet to speak kind of defeats the purpose. instead, i plan on becoming conversant in spanish (which i'll be able to utilize when i go to spain next spring) and then taking separate language courses sometime else.
this whole life that society expects me to live is bullshit. i'm not trying to be countercultural or philosophical, but when i think down to the root of it, it's impossible for me to be able to maximize my life through the cyclical nature that our society so blindly proposes. and what am i going to do about it? what the fuck am i, a relatively insignificant human being, going to do about it? nothing. i expect that i'll finish my third round of sequential education and proceed to my fourth. after that, i'll either get a steady job or i'll push my education onto the next valence level. that's the best way i can describe it; bohr's model. you, society, did this to me, and i thank you with the sincerest hint of melancholy. insert cliches here.
i feel like the state of my physical health is helplessly declining, but not at an alarming rate
i think i'll be insane when i'm old
if i were the devil
sometimes i think to myself that i would be happy to sell my soul to the devil in order for some task to be completed or for something incredible to happen, and i'm fairly certain that i'm not the only one who does this.
now, if i were the devil, this is when i would take action. assuming that the soul-seller is a catholic (hence his or her belief in me) i would transmogrify myself into a helpless-looking, feeble old man or woman, and then proceed to attend mass seated closely to my subject. now, you may be thinking to yourself, "hey ryan, why you be goin' to church if you be the devil?" to which i would reply, "shut up and learn how to talk."
when the part of mass comes where all are asked to "give peace to one another," i would then turn to my target and offer him my kind-hearted geriatric handshake, and then we would both disappear in a cloud of smoke, having just sealed the deal. HOW IRONIC!
