if i were the devil

sometimes i think to myself that i would be happy to sell my soul to the devil in order for some task to be completed or for something incredible to happen, and i'm fairly certain that i'm not the only one who does this.

now, if i were the devil, this is when i would take action. assuming that the soul-seller is a catholic (hence his or her belief in me) i would transmogrify myself into a helpless-looking, feeble old man or woman, and then proceed to attend mass seated closely to my subject. now, you may be thinking to yourself, "hey ryan, why you be goin' to church if you be the devil?" to which i would reply, "shut up and learn how to talk."

when the part of mass comes where all are asked to "give peace to one another," i would then turn to my target and offer him my kind-hearted geriatric handshake, and then we would both disappear in a cloud of smoke, having just sealed the deal. HOW IRONIC!